Yes. You're right. The reason I started this blog was to rant. So if you have anything better to do than listen to a teenage girl list out all her problems, you should probably do it.
Right now, my life is a mess. A BIG mess. And it's all probably my fault. Don't ask me how, it often always is. Oh, and I had a fight with my mother. Yep, definitely my fault.
So, what is my problem? I'm fat. And ugly (isn't that implied?). And my mother spends all her time telling me that. Which is the reason I'm mildly suicidal at times. Every time she brings the topic up, I tend to burst into tears, simutaneously screaming how much I hate her. Trust me, I'm not proud of it.
I'm never mad at her. I'm mad at me. For looking the way I do, for being the way I am. And everytime I see her looking concerned, I feel guilty. I can never tell her this, (which explains why I'm sitting in front of a laptop), but I love her. I wish I could reduce some weight to make her happy. To see her smile when she looks at me. To make her proud of having me as her daughter.
But I know it's not possible.
Sigh.
I hate my life.
that's really sad, I always say I hate my life too, I don't know too much what to say to you since I don't know you but your mum shouldn't be telling u negative things about yourself....and you maybe feel worse about yourself than is the reality??? I know I do cos I'M size 18 and I get really bad acne, I feel so disgusting some days.....well..... I hated my mum for years you know, she was real crazy, I didn't talk to her for years, but I missed her and I always wondered what having a proper 'mum' was like, now I start to let her come round my house n shes behaving herself, I feel mean I used to hate her, but I had reasons anyway...I always say I hate my life cos I'm lonely, I don't have any friends, I don't have a boyfriend, I've had bad relationships so I don't trust no one easily, and I have 3 kids, the only people I talk to regularly are online, I'm going to uni in September though, so maybe I will make some friends, but I dunno, I'm like 10 yrs older than them all....I guess.....I feel so trapped in my life... there's nothing to look forward to, no friends to go places with, no man to love me, I can't drive, I dunno its just crap...I Just feel really empty
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