I don't know why I keep doing this to myself, but every time she calls, I get irritated. I get it, I'm ugly and all, but she doesn't have to rub it in during the course of every single conversation. That's just mean.
Turns out, she's coming to visit. Sometime next month. Next month?! I wasn't ready for this.
The last time she came was like having a gun to my forehead for 3 days, not knowing when it would go off. I actually thought it would be different. She didn't say anything when she saw me. The second day, I was relieved, because she hadn't made a single remark about the way I looked. I actually took efforts to try and normalize things between us. Watched a movie with her, which, by the way, I've never done before. The last day of her visit, I was quite pleased with the fact that she had also tried to make amends. But, hey, she wasn't going to let that last.
As I was getting ready to see her off at the airport, she looked at me, "Remove that handbag. The strap makes you look ugly."
I was shocked. I thought things had been going well. Yeah, my mistake.
"But I like this bag ! " I whined.
"Just remove it. You look like a hippopotamus," she snapped.
Exactly what every daughter wants to hear from her mother. I broke down. I hadn't realized how vulnerable I was till that moment. But I wasn't going to let her see it affect me. I ripped the bag off, threw it into the cupboard, and walked out of the room to compose myself.
5 painful minutes later, throat still burning, I went back, changed my handbag, and walked with her to the car, pretending nothing had happened.
Story of my life.
i really think that her saying that is wrong..how the hell can a bag make u look like a hippopotamus?
ReplyDeleteWTF?
does ure mum have insecurity complexes and possibly jealousy towards u?...in my experience people are critical of others when they are insecure themselves or suffering low esteem, or jealous of things in ure life they may have wanted/wished for themselves..failing that ure just young and starting out on life and she feels like her life is over and wants to make u feel bad in order to make herself better...
i know it may be wrong of me to generalise when it comes to your mother and i dont know you, either of you but you wrote the blog and im just giving my opinion x
no offense intended
None taken.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I just can't figure her out. The bag had a strap running all the way around...u know those steel straps that go all the way around your neck? I was wearing one of those. I so love them, and now I can't even look at one without bile rising in my throat.